I have come to realize more and more that everybody has a story to tell. I want to share those stories as much as I can! Our guest writer today is Emily, a special education teacher turned stay at home rock star mom to their handsome little man, Caleb, and wife to her husband, Justin, of 8 years. We met through a mutual friend and keep in touch mostly through Facebook and texting. I hope you find their story inspiring, it gives you hope, and it brings to light a community of families that are walking through this journey.
When I tell people about how Justin and I met I usually hear, “Oh how cute! Y’all are high school sweet hearts!” Yes, it’s true. Justin and I met our senior year of high school in our MAP class (homeroom). We started dating in March of 2006. We were engaged in August of 2009. We were married on June 5, 2010. Justin and I were young and in love and definitely not thinking about having kids. We were ready to travel and enjoy time together!
In the summer of 2015 that all changed though. Justin and I felt that it was the right time to add to our family. Like every couple trying to start a family, we were so excited at the thought of becoming parents! But that excitement slowly faded and by December I just knew something was not right. In June of 2016 I went to my OBGYN and casually mentioned that we had been trying since August of last year not thinking she would be concerned and say something like “Oh, it hasn’t been a full year yet. Don’t worry about it.” Well, I was wrong. She referred me to a fertility clinic and I was scared. That year in August we went for our first consultation. He explained all the tests that would need to be done in order to figure out why we couldn’t get pregnant and I was ready to start them all! I wanted to figure out what was wrong and start taking pills or vitamins to fix it! After many tests, most of which were uncomfortable, we had our answer. The doctor gave us a 3% chance of getting pregnant in a 3 year time frame on our own and said that he would skip doing IUI and go straight for IVF. No magic pill, no vitamin. I was shocked. I was numb, scared, confused, hurt, angry….you get the idea. I remember leaving the office that day and coming home and lying in bed and just crying. I remember telling Justin through my tears that we will never have children because I am not strong enough to do IVF because I have a fear of needles. Justin was so kind. He told me that it was ok and that we would be ok without kids. We could travel more or adopt. I remember going upstairs to what would have been our nursery and sitting in there crying for what was possibly hours…..and then I went down stairs and went to sleep. The next morning after having my massive meltdown I pulled myself together and told Justin that we were going to do IVF, but we needed to wait until next summer because I needed to focus on my new teaching job and we needed to save up (IVF is NOT cheap).
On Memorial Day in 2017 we started our IVF journey. I documented every day about how I felt and my emotions. Ten days after we started stims (medicine to grow a bunch of eggs) was my egg retrieval. We had 22 eggs. Of the 22 eggs 16 successfully fertilized. Of those 16 seven embryos made it. We had seven embryos! On July 11, 2017 we had our first frozen embryo transfer and it was so exciting. A week later the nurse called me and told me I was pregnant! I WAS PREGNANT!! I went to the store and got a cute little basket together to give to Justin. We were finally going to be parents and we were thrilled!! At around 7 weeks we went in for our ultrasound to hear the baby’s heartbeat! I had heard it prior and it was going to be Justin’s first time! As I was lying there watching the screen I knew something wasn’t right. It didn’t look like it had last time and the doctor wasn’t saying much. The doctor’s words still echo in my head today. “Guys, I’m so sorry, but there is no heartbeat. Your baby didn’t make it.” I was devastated. I was angry! Why did I go through all of this to end up having a miscarriage? It wasn’t fair! A week after my miscarriage my Mimi passed away and hurricane Harvey hit. There was so much sadness everywhere I looked.
It was in that time that I decided I can either be angry at God for what has happened or I can draw near to Him and trust Him. I chose to trust that He knows what He is doing and we moved forward with another frozen embryo transfer in November 2017. Our second transfer was a successful one and we now have a beautiful (almost) 7 month old boy named Caleb. He was born July 25 which ironically is world IVF day. He is so perfect and I would absolutely go through IVF all over again for him. If you are going through infertility know that you are not alone. Infertility sucks. IVF sucks. But I like to think that I am a stronger person because of it.
Emily
The Robinson’s used Houston Fertility Institute.
Visit Resolve: The National Infertility Association to find information and support groups for infertility. You are not alone.
With hope and healing,
Brittany
You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.
2 Chronicles 20:17 (NIV)
Postpartum Support International: 1-800-944-4773
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
My Beloved 