Paying off debt is hard, but it’s every harder when you have kids and a maternal mental health disorder. It is possible, though! Know that you aren’t alone in your journey. I am right there with you. Friends, we have paid off $98,903.36 (interest not included) in 45 months and have $23,321.64 left. Wow! It hasn’t been easy, especially since Ewan was born 19 months ago. Here are some things I have learned from paying off debt as a Mom who has gone through and in in recovery from postpartum depression.
Your mental and physical health comes first.
All of our bills were paid, but I didn’t have the mental capacity to balance our accounts and make sure we were putting extra payments on the loans. (We use a zero based budget.) There was the added stress of starting formula with Ewan. (Side note: Can we call it something else? I hate the word formula.) Make sure all your bills get paid, but your physical and mental health comes first. You can’t will or pray your way out of mental illness. You must get the help you need so you can get to feeling better. Go to therapy (ask if they have a sliding scale) and pay for the medications if necessary.
Don’t feel guilty for meeting your child’s needs.
Sure, we could have waited to have Ewan after the loans were paid off, but there is not ever a perfect right time to have kids. I think there are bad times to have kids (can’t pay for childcare, food, diapers, etc), but not ever the right time. Every box of diapers and box of formula we buy hits me hard. Especially the daycare payment, ouch! It can be so overwhelming when you are trying to save as much money as you can.
However, you can be smart about your purchases. HEB brand overnight diapers are just as good as Huggies! (Not Walmart brand though….Ewan pees through those like nobody’s business!) Luvs diapers have treated us well. I found that if you buy them in the smaller box, the price is actually less per diaper. Buying the refill wipes in a big bag is more cost effective. Buying clothes and toys second hand saves a lot and don’t dismiss hand-me-downs. Save those coupons for formula that come in the mail, every dollar counts.
Know when to splurge.
We bought a Baby Brezza and it was worth EVERY PENNY. It’s basically a Keurig for formula. When we were done with it we sold it, it was gone in less than a day. When baby #2 rolls around we will be purchasing the newer version for sure! We also spent the money on Dr. Brown’s bottles. Ewan was a gassy little baby and we did just about anything to help for our sanity as much as Ewan’s discomfort. We passed on the bottles for a friend to use and when she is done they will come back to us for future use!
Does your child need that toy that everybody has or that must have baby item you see ads for on Facebook or Instagram? No. That new gadget will not make your newborn baby sleep through the night, sorry. We did go through multiple things to put Ewan in to try and get him to sleep even just a little bit, but we sold off some things as we went. I can’t stress enough how much buying second hand can save!
Ask for help to take care of “life.”
I vividly remember texting my friend, Cara, about being stressed from not balancing our accounts after Ewan was born. It was looming over my head. Her advice was to ask Beau to watch Ewan so I could take care of our budget. Duh! As moms, many of us think we have to do it all and watch the kids every second. You don’t and it doesn’t make you less of a mom for asking for help. The stress of not doing anything with our budget, even when I felt bad, made me feel worse so I did the bare minimum that absolutely must had to get done.
Don’t compare your debt payoff to others.
Y’all, we started at $122, 243.01. My starting debt was much bigger than a lot of people I see on Instagram. We would have paid off other financial influencers debt 3x over with what we have paid off! It is so frustrating!!! But that is not our story. This is my story and I will learn whatever it is God has for me in this process. It’s a cliche thing to say, but every little bit counts. It’s hard to see that in the thick of things, but I am realizing it more and more as we head into the final big push of paying off my student loan debt.
Don’t stop giving.
We are called to give and serve. I love these verses from my scripture writing plan:
If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. Rather be open handed and freely lend him what he needs….Give generously and do so without a grudging hearts; because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.
Deuteronomy 15:7-8; 10 (NIV)
Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
2 Corinthians 9:7-8
I have to admit, it is hard to think about all the money we have tithed knowing that our debt would be much closer to being paid off. I cling to what scripture says and know that God will bless us in being faithful.
I never want to leave a blog post without saying this: You are doing great, mama. If you are feeling like you just can’t do it anymore, please, reach out for help. If you feel overwhelmed and need to talk to someone. Please, reach out. Have HOPE, because it does get better. You can do this, you are doing it.
In hope and healing,
Brittany
You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.
2 Chronicles 20:17 (NIV)
Postpartum Support International: 1-800-944-4773 (Non Emergencies)
Postpartum Support International Support Coordinators
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
Pregnancy & Postpartum Mental Health Symptoms (from Postpartum Support International)
My Beloved 