5 Ways to Help New Moms With and Without a Postpartum Mental Health Disorder

After going through postpartum depression when Ewan was born, I have a
pretty good idea of how I would prepare for baby number two. I want to
share some things that you can do for a friend that might have just had
a baby or somebody you know who is struggling with a postpartum mental
health disorder.

Food

Trying to figure out how to cook or grocery shop when I was already overwhelmed with a newborn was a major struggle. When my mom was staying with us, I would obsess over how we would eat when she left. Kudos to the moms who just had a baby and are able to make dinner/lunch every day. I don’t know how we would have made it without my Mom cooking for us. I highly recommend giving the gift of food! Take food over along with paper plates and plastic silverware that can just be thrown away afterwards. I’ve seen many people use Take Them a Meal to coordinate meals with other people. It doesn’t have to be home cooked either! Pick up something at a restaurant or use DoorDash if you can’t physically make it to their house. Offer to bring them a meal more than once! Those first three months are hard!

Validation

Legitimize how that new mom is feeling. This was something that my therapist did every time I had an appointment. She recognized and affirmed how hard it was to have a newborn, make dinner, have a full time job, and still get up in the middle of the night. And the biggest one, how much postpartum depression sucked! Listen to the moms. Let them know they aren’t the only one going through this and that it will get better. Then, maybe, you can offer some advice. Be cautious against saying every baby is different and being really vague with advice (if asked). New moms, especially first time moms, just want you to tell them something that they can try, and if it does’t work, you can give them another suggestion. Whatever you do, don’t try to one up what she is going through with your own struggle.

Household Chores

I really like a clean and tidy home. After we brought Ewan home I couldn’t let it go. I felt like I couldn’t relax if the house wasn’t picked up, vacuumed, and dusted or if the laundry and dishes weren’t done. Offer to go do a new mama’s dishes or clean her house. Just saying, “Let me know if I can do anything for you,” doesn’t always work. Instead say, “I can come over Monday or Wednesday. Which day would you prefer?” It’s awkward for moms to ask other people to do their laundry or to clean the house, but it is a huge help. 

Check in…Often

Frequently check in on new mamas. After having a baby is not the time to just give them space and be a family. It makes them feel well loved and I guarantee they will appreciate it. I am really, really, really grateful that I had (and still do have) friends that checked up on me. One of my best friends called me everyday on her way home from work because she lived too far away to visit. (Plus, she was pregnant and her school flooded during Harvey, so she had a lot on her plate!) It was such a blessing and it gave me something to look forward to everyday. You will never regret checking in “too often.”

Let Her Sleep

I was checking in with a friend who had just had a baby via text message and she said sleep had been helping her a lot. I have to agree! Even on medication and with therapy appointments, if I didn’t get some “decent” sleep I would feel pretty low. Offer to take care of the baby so mama can sleep. If the baby is breastfed take the baby to mom to feed then let her go back to bed. Formula is easier because you have everything you need without having to disturb anybody. Again, be specific about what day you can come over to help mom catch some ZZZs. You might even consider offering to do all the nighttime feedings! What a blessing that would be!

If you know a new mom is really struggling and in some desperate need of help from a professional, don’t give up! Keep checking in and encourage her to take the next step to seek help. A great place to start for finding help is calling the Postpartum Support International Helpline at 1-800-944-4773 or text 503-894-9453. PSI also has Support Coordinators in every US state.

In an emergency call The National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 for 24/7 support.

With hope and healing,

Brittany

You will not have to fight this battle.  Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.  2 Chronicles 20:17 (NIV)

I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4 (NIV)