My Mom Worth

My close friend called me the other day to chat. It’s hard to believe we have been friends for 8 years! We taught across the hall from each other at the previous school I taught at; me band and her orchestra (or string band as I like to call it). She is always one I can count on for spiritual advice and prayer. I’m so glad God put her in my path. It’s been hard not teaching at the same school as her for the past 4.5 years!

My friend felt the Holy Spirit pressing on her to tell me that my worth is not in my ability to conceive a child. I’ve heard this before, but didn’t really think it applied to me until Elisabeth spoke it to me. We do have one child, Ewan, who just turned three in December. I like to call him our planned surprise because, while he was planned, it happened so fast! This time around hasn’t been so fast. We are now at the year mark for trying to conceive baby #2 and are currently going to a fertility clinic.

While talking to Elisabeth I realized that I have been having a hard time comparing myself to friends with multiple children. I feel I have it too easy with one. I get to sleep through the night and take naps while Ewan takes naps on the weekends. Since I work outside the home as a teacher he goes to daycare when we have breaks for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and summer. Since Ewan is three he is able to play on his own pretty well for chunks of time and will sit and watch a tv show. This allows me to do things I want to do while he is awake.

But here is the truth: my worth as a Mom is not in the ability to conceive a second child. I am a valid Mom for “only” having one child. God sees my circumstances and knows my story. He knows exactly when and if to open the door to have another child, which I fully believe will happen. God knows my mental health can be fragile and working outside the home and the ability to put my son in daycare, that he absolutely loves, during breaks is key for my mental health. He knows the road I am on to better my health physically and mentally with exercise and mindfulness. I know that God is doing a good work in me while we wait in hope, even if I don’t exactly know what it is at the moment.

Right now I know this to be true: my worth as a mom is not in the ability to conceive a second child. I am a valid mother. I am just as much as a mother to one child as I would be to ten. One woman is not a better Mom because she is more tired, has more children, more laundry to do, or more things on her to do list. I need not feel guilty for being blessed in the situation we are in. I am blessed to be able to get the rest I need, that Ewan has a daycare he loves to go to and learns so much at, and I have a job I love outside of the home. I will do my best to encourage other Moms and to learn who God created me to be and do. He will use me in my brokenness to bring glory to his name.

And if you are struggling with infertility for your first child, I’m so sorry. I’m here with you and for you. I know that there is really nothing that I can say or do that takes away what you are feeling. I do want to say this. Your worth as a woman/wife/mother is not in your ability to conceive. It doesn’t matter how you get pregnant or how long it takes. Just like I say that everybody at some point in their life needs to talk to somebody, everybody at some point in their lives will face major trials. Your worth as a human is not in your ability to conceive.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

In hope and healing,
Brittany

Visit Resolve: The National Infertility Association to find information and support groups for infertility. You are not alone.

You will not have to fight this battle.  Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.

2 Chronicles 20:17 (NIV)


Postpartum Support International: 1-800-944-4773 (Non Emergencies)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

Postpartum Support International Support Coordinators

Postpartum Progress

PostpartumDepression.org

Pregnancy & Postpartum Mental Health Symptoms (from Postpartum Support International)